Two down-on-their-luck slackers take a trip to a remote village to get away from their troubles, only to discover that their destination is the feeding ground for a band of buxom vampire babes. Can they stay alive long eno... more »ugh to break an ancient curse, save a busload of attractive history students, and go from zeroes to heroes?« less
Jorge S. (jorgito2001) from WESLEY CHAPEL, FL Reviewed on 10/18/2010...
Comparisons to Shaun of the Dead are inevitable as the premise is similar (our hero dumped by his girlfriend, Fat slacker sidekick pal), but is a FUN movie in its own right! Here's hoping a sequal gets made! High recommend!
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Movie Reviews
Shaun of the Bloodsucking Lesbians
Captain Insanity | NY | 01/04/2010
(3 out of 5 stars)
"(Add 1 star to my review if you loved Shaun of the Dead.)
A lot of horror seems to be pouring out of merry old England as of late.
Both serious (28 Days later, Dog Soldiers, The Descent, Broken, The Devils Chair,
Eden Lake, Book of Blood, Mum & Dad, The Children, Zombie Diaries, Gnaw, etc.)
And comical (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, The Cottage, I Sell the Dead, Severance, Botched, Small Town Folk)
When I fist read about this flick it's title was Lesbian Vampire Killers,
what happened between then & now I have no idea.
Apparently they decided the vampires weren't lesbian enough.
I think it would find more of an audience if it instead kept it's original title, because it has a hilarious ring to it. (LVK)
Almost like a spoof on the Polanski title (Fearless Vampire Killers)
As it stands the title "Vampire Killers" is a little generic. (but so is the plot, no thinking required)
But that's beside the point.
What you really want to know is... Is it funny & scary?
Sort of and No.
You'll get a chuckle or two, but expect your sides to stay firmly intact. (I will admit though.. the lesbian killing sword borders on hilarious)
With horredies* like Shaun of the Dead, Severance, The Cottage, & Botched coming from that neck of the woods,
(and this is just talking one country now)
the makers of this film really should have put in more of an effort to get people laughing, or at least had the decency to throw some gore at us.
Instead we get some white-jelly vampire vomit.
I mean you feel kind of cheated when there's more white-jelly vampire vomit on-screen that actual gore.
The settings, the atmosphere, the scores, & the cinematography were all spot-on, beautiful in fact, so there's that to look forward to.
So why the three stars?
Mediocrity.
The addition of lesbians to a story we've seen more times than our own grandmother, does not a good movie make. (Did I say that right?)
Yeah they were HOT, with a capital OH MY GOD!! but they just weren't... nearly.... naked enough.
At least for my perverse tastes.
The duo who wrote the script used to be producers for MTV at the time, so that should speak volumes... upon volumes.... upon volumes.
This flick seems to want to capitalize on the fame of Shaun of the Dead, but doesn't seem to have the love for the source material that that flick had.
This is a loveless affair... but it's one, at the very least, my wife enjoyed.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
To kill a lesbian vampire one must penetrate their lesbian heart.
ALSO RECOMMENDED:
Shaun of the Dead, Black Sheep, Severance, Botched, The Cottage, Fright Night, From Dusk Till Dawn,
Bordello of Blood, Bad Taste, Dead Alive, The Frighteners, Return of the Living Dead Part 1 & 2, Jack Brooks Monster Slayer"
Well made and way better than critics say
Philip C. Perron | New England, USA | 02/05/2010
(4 out of 5 stars)
"Okay, another vampire film ... again. And another attempt at a comedy-horror film ... again. And critics were mixed on whether this was worth your time or simply mediocre. Well, to be honest, going in expecting just an average film at best actually made me come out saying "that film was great" and for all the good reasons!!!
This is an English film which at times follows the same line as Shaun of the Dead but instead of zombies our antagonists are vampires (or more correctly, lesbian vampires). The stars are two blokes, one who just broke up with his girlfriend and another who wishes he had a girlfriend. With the sadness that comes from being dumped, our hero decides they should take a trip hiking just to get away and clear his head, so they randomly pick a place out in the rural section of England. Unbeknownst to our heroes they land up in a village cursed by an ancient vampiress Camilla (see LeFanu's novella) where all woman who turn 18 become walkers of the dead. At the same time our heroes arrive, a group of college co-eds are in the town to write a paper on the folklore around Camilla and her "legacy". So begins a film of many things: a sex comedy, a gothic horror film, a British slapstick movie, and a gore fest, and to a lesser extent, an exploitation film. One would think that a film with lesbian vampires would be no more than exploitation but oddly it is not. Marketing of the film played on this but the film makers only followed the lead while mostly keeping it in the background as they followed the other paths that this film could follow.
I must admit this film was good in every way. First off, the film makers really got a great gothic and horror feel to it that you'd have seen in the old Universal horror films or the old Hammer horror films. The film is pure atmosphere. Second, the comedy works and it works well. There is the juvenile moments (see sword and sword handle) but you'll be laughing out loud. With the character of the vicar playing the film straight, the movie truly worked as British comedies do. Third, not once was I at a point that I felt I should shut off the film and do something else. I was engrossed throughout. To conclude, the film was just plain good fun.
For eye candy, the blood and boobs crowd will be delighted. It has absolutely beautiful women throughout and dressed in revealing if not fully revealing outfits. And the gore is everywhere. Many deaths and they are done quite well with excellent special effects. The whole film is obviously tongue in cheek so the violence is supposed to be a bit over the top. The music is mostly orchestral so you don't get the annoying soundtracks that you would in most films like this. I'd go in watching this film with an open mind, ignoring what the critics have mostly said. You'll come out delighted since it is a fun wild ride of entertainment and truly a good hour and a half of a flick. Enjoy.
"
I was amused!
Chrissy K. McVay | North Carolina | 01/22/2010
(5 out of 5 stars)
"The concept alone (Lesbian Vampires) was enough to make me smile and the tongue-in-cheek style was hilarious. I love British, BBC types of subtle humor anyway and felt this comic horror was very well done. When a heart broken young man and his bumbling pal decide the only vacation they can afford is a hike in a little town they've never heard of, their lives are about to erupt in a humorous fight between good and evil. If you loved 'Shaun of the Dead', this should be the next dvd you add to your 'amusing horror' list.
Chrissy K. McVayShaun of the Dead"
Much better than I expected.
Wendy Lenon | 06/25/2010
(5 out of 5 stars)
"I originally rented this movie thinking it was going to be my B movie for the week. I love to rent bad ones and get a giggle out of the cheesiness, but I was pleasantly surprised on how good this one is. Starts out a little slow, but it had me and my family laughing hard several times. The ax scene is the best. Not everyone is going to like this, but if you like vampires and goofiness you well like this. And even I compare it to Shaun of the Dead which I liked also. And for the guys out there plenty of chicks for you with the whole lesbian theme."
"Next you'll have me bummed by a big gay werewolf"
trashcanman | Hanford, CA United States | 10/29/2009
(4 out of 5 stars)
"Every time somebody hears the name of this film, they ask the same question so I'll answer it for you right off the bat. The title refers not to lesbian vampires who are killers (though they are), it refers to those who kill lesbian vampires. The writers came up with the premise for this British spoof of the female vampire sexploitation genre in the most organic way possible. They were asked to come up with the stupidest, yet most commercially viable idea they could. They thought 1) "vampires" 2) "lesbians" and 3) "killers" and this holy trinity of exploiting mankind's basest impulses became the film you see reviewed on this day. And naturally, along the line some numbnuts decided to try and make it exactly like Shaun of the Dead. Well, this is a far cry from that film and the other heavyweights of the horror comedy genre, but it is also a lot of fun. That is unless you are none of the fratboys who is going in just to see naked chicks make out. You know who the hell you are. Quit being a D-bag and go get some porn. You don't even have to pay anymore. Seriously, there's this thing called "google" and you type whatever you want (even if it's REALLY icky) and it shows you where to find it. You can even find lesbian vampires there! Super-convenient. Go there and not here if that's what you're looking for. [ahem] So as I was saying this isn't the cleverest comedy you'll ever see, but if you aren't expecting the holy grail of comic genius (or porn) I don't see you not laughing.
Okay, bad puns incoming. Two friends, Fletch and Jimmy (played by popular British comedy duo James Corden and Mathew Horne), by chance end up vacationing in a rural village known as Cragwich (get it?). This happens to be the final resting place of the vampire queen Carmilla. before dying upon the Sword of Daeldo [snicker], she placed a curse upon the village ensuring that each of the daughters of the town will become lesbian vampires on the night of their 18th birthday for all eternity. Why don't these people just move away from this town? Shut up. You're ruining it. Anyhow, Fletch is the obnoxious overweight oaf who just got fired from his job as a children's clown due to his habit of punching kids who are "messing with his sh!+", and Jimmy is the dull emasculated loser whose girlfriend dumps him just long enough to get her jollies elsewhere and knows he'll always take her back like the spineless wuss he is. They come off as a 2nd-rate Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, but are funny enough together to make this dumb-as-a-brick concept work. After all, the silliness and immaturity is pretty much the whole point. The duo are well-pleased to find a bevy of sexy Swedish ladies looking to party at the Mircalla cottage, which it turns out is a place the locals send visitors as an offering to the vampires. Yes, the lesbian ones. The girls are dispatched in minutes, leaving the lads and one seriously hardcore woman (who just happens to be familiar with the local folklore) in the middle of the woods surrounded by lady-vamps in very little clothing. I've dreamed of that predicament my whole life. Add in a priest with a potty mouth and you're in good hands.
First, the good. "Lesbian Vampire Killers" has some surprisingly cool effects. The vampires fading in and out of mist is well-utilized, and I love the echoing whisper that they talk in. Believe it or not, the people who made this film know what makes a good vampire movie. And it ain't baseball and sparkling in the sunlight. These girls look hot and ethereal and otherworldy in a way that you'd instantly know they were vampires even if the movie was about something else entirely. All of the rules are observed and made fun of at some point. Most of the comedy is based off of Fletch, and it's a bit hard not to laugh when he has to take a stare at every bit of cleavage present in a scene every 3 seconds or so. At one point, a girl who was taken while getting out of the shower returns still in the nude to kill him and as she rushes in for the attack he still has to check out her goodies and comment "nice!" He seems disappointed when he holds her under the water in the shower (the purity of water is a vampire no-no) by her boobs and she melts away leaving only a pair of implants in his hands. I don't care what you think, that's funny stuff. The only lady to survive the initial onslaught is Lotte (played by The Descent star MyAnna Buring), a virgin who has the hots for Jimmy and a major aptitude for the killing of the lesbian vampires. In fact, I'll call it right now: this character has the greatest lesbian vampire kill of all time in this film. Of all time! Okay, so maybe she was only up against stakes through the heart, holy water, impaled on a branch after a doofy car accident (lame!), getting shot in a closed coffin (lamer!), and a sweet sword beheading in the annals of lesbian vampire cinema, but it's something. And there is an axe in the head gag in this one so there was competition. Lotte maybe didn't look so fine next to her superhot buds, but since her character has actual personality and shows the guys how the vamp killing thing is done, she's my kind of girl. The soundtrack has some pretty inspired moments. And yeah, there's nudity. Not as much as you think, but it's there. And I feel that I have to warn you of the possibility of seeing two girls kiss at some point in the film so you that aren't totally blindsided.
Not so good: vampires who appear to bleed semen. What the hell? Was it a ratings thing? Red blood would have made this goretacular, but white blood just makes me feel like I'm watching bukake or something else I don't want to be watching. What a stupid move. Then there's the misogyny. For the sake of comedy I can let it slide, but the references to the "red moon" and the lesbian vampire curse being lifted by a sword that has a penis for a handle penetrating the queen is really weak symbolism. However, one guy not wanting to hold the "co@k sword" because it's a bit gay: that's funny. Carmilla's hair looks ridiculous. She looks like an RPG cosplayer at Comic-Con or something. Not hot! Her girlfriend on the other hand: absolutely delectable. What bugged me more then a lot of this stuff is the little tricks like slowing down and speeding up certain moments like they did in "Shaun of the Dead". Except in that film it served an actual comedic purpose. These guys just wanted to copy that film, but they seem to have just randomly added these effects for the hell of it and it does nothing at all other then distract you and and make you think "why the hell did they do that just now?" Given that the comedy works more often then not and the vampires are sweet, this movie could have been something really great without some of these stupid little touches that force you to remember you are watching a second-rate production. Next time you make one of these, hire me on as a consultor, guys. It's amazing what can happen when you know your audience.
So while "Lesbian Vampire Killers" has been ravaged and sliced and diced by critics in it's native Britain who were apparently expecting the title to be ironic and seem shocked that this isn't a grade-A comedy classic, most of us Americans like it big, simple, and dumb so long as the film itself knows its being dumb. And it does, of course. It's called "Lesbian Vampire Killers" for God's sake.
Final score: fail on gore in spite of plentiful violence and barely a pass on sex appeal; the final vote goes to the comedy. Is it funny? Yes it is. It's a childish sort of comedy, but if you don't laugh you should probably get that stick removed. It can't feel good to have that lodged in there. And if you are one of those guys looking for sex and nudity and hot chicks making out and you are still reading this review after I called you a D-bag, you can always check out some of the classic films that inspired this tribute/parody. Uncle trashy recommends The Vampire Lovers for sheer quality, and Vampyres for sheer quantity (of sex and violence, that is). And if that still isn't enough nudity, you really do need some porn. Give Jesus Franco's creatively-titled Female Vampire a whirl. It would be physically impossible to cram more unnecessary sex or nudity into that one. It's almost comedy without trying. On the other hand, "Lesbian Vampire Killers" is just a dopey comedy, which is what it was trying for. But it's a dopey comedy that I enjoyed quite a bit as a scholar of the genre with the sense of humor of a 15 year old.