Fasten your drool cups, and hold on to your vomit bags! We'r
H. Bala | Carson - hey, we have an IKEA store! - CA USA | 11/11/2007
(4 out of 5 stars)
"With BORDELLO OF BLOOD and DEMON KNIGHT, this dvd offers up in widescreen a fun B-movie double feature bill from the Tales From The Crypt line. Both movies came out in the mid-'90s, during the height of comedian Dennis Miller's success and when William Sadler and Billy Zane were merely mediocre instead of obscure and irrelevant, which is what they are now. The ill-kept and pun-afflicted Crypt Keeper adds much to the campy feel of both flicks as wraparound scenes have him providing ghoulishly humorous intro and post-mortem honors.
I actually saw these two films during their respective theater runs and had a hell of a time with both. DEMON KNIGHT, released in 1995, is a fairly gripping horror action/thriller, low budget sensibilities and cruddy special effects notwithstanding (c'mon, fluorescent green goo?). The story takes place one dark, stormy night in Wormwood, New Mexico as a fleeing man crashes into town. Frank Brayker (William Sadler) is guarding the last of the mystical seven Keys, these keys being ancient relics that together can be harnessed to master the cosmos. The forces of Hell, having already amassed six of the things, now aim to have the last key, and, so, Brayker is on the run from the relentless demon Collector (Billy Zane, who is devilish fun here). But, at last cornered in a broken down church-turned-motel, Brayker prepares for his last stand.
While DEMON KNIGHT has its quirky moments, it still overall espouses the more traditional horror conventions. On the other hand, 1996's BORDELLO OF BLOOD sacrifices its horror elements for its campy sense of humor. This film is decidedly tongue-in-cheeked, thanks muchly to Dennis Miller's wiseacre protagonist. Miller's indifferent approach to his role is typical of how he goes about his sporadic cinematic career. In movies Dennis Miller basically plays himself, and it's no different with BORDELLO OF BLOOD. Miller is irreverent private eye Rafe Guttman, who runs afoul of insiduous (but sexy) she-vampires who suck blood and other objects in a brothel disguised as a seedy funeral home.
It's impossible to take this film seriously (and I'm sure it wasn't meant to), what with Miller's zingers coming so fast and frequently and mockeries like the overzealous evangelist (a stubbled Chris Sarandon) and his Laserlight o' the Lord being trotted out before our eyes. BORDELLO OF BLOOD revels in its cheesiness and is so playfully awful that, frankly, it suckered me into liking it. Not to mention, all the naked girls in the film do not hurt at all as they prove to be as cheeky as Miller, though not in the same way. But there's a definite disconnect between Rafe Guttman and the scary goings-on about him. While Billy Zane is amusing and even magnetic in DEMON KNIGHT, Dennis Miller's character comes off as bemused and overly facetious (although his one-liners are funny). But, no, Miller doesn't at all lend credibility to his role, and maybe that even fits the tone of the film. I had this sense that Miller was trying real hard not to wink at the camera.
Familiar B-list faces dot these two pictures. DEMON KNIGHT offers a supporting cast of CCH Pounder, Thomas Haden Church, a very solid Jada Pinkett (not yet Pinkett-Smith), and an uncredited John Larroquette. BORDELLO OF BLOOD has Angie Everhart as Lilith the head vampiress, Chris Sarandon, and bottom feeder Corey Feldman. Perfectly in line with the star power, we get the dubious special effects, the weak scripts, the flimsy plotlines, the cheap and ineffectual scares, and the heady aroma of cheese. Yet somehow - and maybe it's because both films embrace their low rent, trashy stature with such gusto - BORDELLO OF BLOOD and DEMON KNIGHT contrive to be fun cinematic treats. Or guilty pleasures. Whatever. It's one or the other. Or to quote the very quotable Rafe Guttman: "I feel like I'm in a bad Tales From The Crypt episode." And that's good."