Stonehenge, A Red Light, And A Cardboard Robot
Robert I. Hedges | 07/25/2006
(3 out of 5 stars)
"While "Unknown World" and "The Phantom Planet" are just plain silly, the real standout for cinematic cheese lovers in this set is the occasionally baffling, yet utterly wretched "Cosmos: War Of The Planets." I have seen my share (OK, more than my share) of sub par sci-fi movies, but even by my standards this one is too much to take.
"Cosmos: War Of The Planets" concerns some humans with extremely bad, 1970s hair (when it isn't concealed under a ridiculous red hat that looks like a cross between a medieval jousting helmet and a horn of plenty) who find a civilization that is sending them bad electronic music from beyond the cosmos. They are under the direction of "Whiz" an electronic brain that calculates everything and is allegedly infallible (it is also less realistic than the computer from "Star Trek.")
Of course the crew, led by the rebellious, yet dashing (idiot) Captain lands on this strange planet where they find new life forms, namely guys dressed like Bat Boy in blackface. Oh, and did I mention that they also find a Stonehenge monument with a telekinetic capability as well? (Because that totally makes sense, because...now, wait...oh, never mind.) They also find a terrifying robot that looks like nothing more than a talking jukebox that plays Bach's "Toccata in D-minor" repeatedly on a Moog synthesizer, which is defeated in the stupidest manner imaginable (think Michael Palin in "Scott of the Antarctic" here.) The destruction of the robot brings about endless scenes of volcanic lava eruptions from some very large archive of stock footage. (It doesn't make any more sense when you watch it, either.)
The crew finally takes off from the planet, only to find the movie gratuitously extended by a subplot about saboteurs under the deceased (?) robot's control. Eventually Bat Boy and a traitorous guy in a puffy moon tunic and white cowboy boots get sucked out of an airlock, which leads to the most terribly, "I wish I were terribly clever, but I'm not" ending in the history of cinema.
This whole mess wants to be "2001" but in reality is more like something cut out of a Buck Rogers serial for being too stupid. It tries to make a statement about the complexities of "man versus machine" but the only thing it gets right is the subplot about the grubby, inaccurate, sensationalist press corps. For its unflaggingly accurate and unflattering portrayal of the media, this movie brings the whole set up to the three star level."
GET IT if only for COSMOS WAR OF THE PLANETS ! ! !
uniquegeek | Albany, NY USA | 04/05/2008
(5 out of 5 stars)
"Get this set for "Cosmos War of the Planets" a very cheap, badly acted and dubbed BUT somehow VERY CREEPY and DISTURBING gem form Italy circa 1977-79ish. I first saw it on late 70's cable on Saturday morning and now that I have seen it as an adult I still say it has it's weird merits. The sense that everyone on the ship is doomed, the creepy, always night planet. The giant, yes slightly absurd, evil, stalking robot killer. Creepy stonehenge matter transporter. High body count. A man possessed by murderous computer. An underground, radioactive race of mutants hunted to near genocide.
Yes it's VERY poor in quality and execution but it exudes a doom and decay that movies with giant budgets miss."