Search - The Private Public on DVD

Reality TV Stars Sink OK Story

Jeff Simmons | San Diego, CA | 10/28/2003

(2 out of 5 stars)

"There's a decent "coming of age" story lurking somewhere inside "The Private Public," but Robert Altman's director grandson Dana is clearly not up to the task.Admittedly awful in most ways, it is undeniably entertaining from beginning to end. "Real World" stars over-emote, "Baywatch" actress Traci Bingham provides nothing but large breats and small skirts, Curt Smith from "Tears For Fears" delivers some of the most pretentious voiceovers I've ever heard, and wall-to-wall pop music both dates the movie badly and seems rather lazy. When a character falls down, for instance, it is accompanied by a song with lyrics like -- you guessed it -- "I'm falling down." The male-bonding scenes are also so phony that I began to suspect everyone involved in this production is gay. The Chinese kid, in particular, belongs in a community theater version of "M. Butterfly." And David Burns' performance is so terrible, he's brilliant. His attempts to look like a suave "lady's man" are so inept and cringe-inducing that this video just might become a hot cult item. Think Vin Diesel crossed with Screech and you'll come close to Burns. Jason Cornwell fares markedly better a.) because he's a genuinely handsome man, and b.) has a natural charisma on camera. This being said, he's no Laurence Olivier. Watch the restaurant stockroom scene for glaring evidence. His obviously improvised lines while reading cans of food ("What the hell is machine-separated chicken?) are so rancid, you'll be smiling.NOTE TO ALL FILMMAKERS: DO NOT PUT REALITY TV AND BAYWATCH STARS IN YOUR FILMS! These clowns WILL STAIN anything they come in contact with.As an added treat, be sure to watch the Behind-the-Scenes documentary. Burns delivers a deluded speech about how, while he "respects the craft of filmmaking and acting, it comes easy to [him]." But the real gem is Cornwell talking candidly. He crams more casual profanity into every sentence than you ever thought possible. The same man who appeared so likeable in the feature comes off as an uneducated, pompous dirtball in the extras. Hell, maybe he is a great actor after all.As I said earlier, the story -- while hardly revealatory -- is OK, but the ill-conceived execution transforms this movie into an even more awkward car accident than the one which befalls Cornwell's character."