Search - Hard Rock Zombies on DVD

MOLTE ASCENDERE AMEN!

Robert P. Beveridge | Cleveland, OH | 08/28/2009

(4 out of 5 stars)

"Hard Rock Zombies (Krishna Shah, 1985)



When I was but a wee media critic, there were three films, more than any others, that cemented my love of awful, awful movies. First, there was 1972's Beware! The Blob, directed by Larry Hagman (the recent DVD reissue trumpets it as "the film J.R. shot!"), one of the few movies I've seen over fifty times in my life. So many bad special effects all piled into one place, with so many quality seventies actors hamming it up. How can you not love it? Then came 1977's Shriek of the Mutilated, which I was lucky enough to catch on late-night TV one night when I was in seventh grade (1981? 82? don't know). I say "lucky" because it seems from the DVD that the master print of the film has become horribly degraded, so at least I had a chance to see it in all its original... okay, "splendor" is not the right word. It's an awful movie in every sense of the word, but for a movie I didn't see for over twenty years, between that one TV viewing and the release of the DVD, to have left that many indelible images on my mind, there had to have been something transcendent about it. And then there was Hard Rock Zombies, one of the mainstays of my high school years. I have no idea how many times I rented this from my local video store. All of my friends and I could quote from it at length. It's the kind of bad movie that you know is bad, but you just can't stop watching. I hadn't seen it since those days, but here's another case where a recent DVD release has reaffirmed my love for the awful. In fact, it's even better, in a horrible way, than I remembered it being from back in the day.



The story concerns a band, led by charismatic (and insufferably-coifed) lead singer Jessie (Silent Rage frontman and Chippendales model E. J. Curcio, known these days as E. J. Curse), who are headed for the small town of Grand Guignol for a show. Grand Guignol is not your normal town, however. Serial killers, religious fanatics, evil dwarves, corrupt lawmen, and all other manner of weirdness live there. Aligned against them is one young girl, Cassie (Jennifer Coe, in her only feature film appearance), who finds the band the night before and warns them not to go to the town. Jessie runs into her again once the band gets to town, and the two of them fall in love. When the town turns against the band and murders them, is the power of love enough to bring them back from beyond the grave? Well, okay, no, but a song Jessie wrote from lyrics he found in an ancient book of the dead sure does. The band can get revenge from beyond the grave and still play the concert for the record promoter who's going to be in town!



This movie is full of clichés, "hard rock" in the vein of John Waite, stupid plot branches that seem like they were last-minute additions (entirely possible; IMDB notes this was originally meant as a twenty-minute short), and really, really awful hair. It's the kind of movie that's so entirely bad that once you've started watching it, you simply can't look away, because you can't bear to not know how much worse this thing's going to get. And it seems to be the difference between your run-of-the-mill awful film and something like Hard Rock Zombies is that this movie never stops getting worse. When the big plot surprise happens about halfway through the movie, you have to wonder how they're going to get even stupider. But oh, my. Trust me on this.



There is a brand of stupidity that is capable of marketing itself as genius. Or there is a brand of genius that expresses itself in ways that are, shall we say, differently abled. One way or the other, though, Hard Rock Zombies is a classic example of the genre. It's funny, it's awful, it's stupid, and it's absolutely must-see. **** ½

"

"This whole day seems like one bad movie"

Robert Cossaboon | The happy land of Walworth, NY | 06/17/2009

(4 out of 5 stars)

"If ever there was a film that deserved a holy s**t! award, this mind-blower would have to be it. Should you, dear reader, see this? Hell yeah! But go into this movie with your eyes open. People expecting Wes Craven or Sam Raimi will be sorely disappointed once the parade begins to go past of Midget Nazis, a mulleted hair band, a horny Hitler, a horny stammering redneck, a near sexy (and horny) Eva Braun, a werewolf lady, head twitchingly stupid redneck townies (wait until you see the thing they do with the giant faces), not one, but two 80s-era montages, and some kind of magic song that gets this whole snowball rolling. The acting for the most part is heinous, but for the record, the Hitler character was interesting. Where this movie loses its star is in the uber-crappy transfer and the equally frustrating sound--though as luck would have it, the lousy music comes across just fine.



My favorite scenes: the werewolf lady who pulls out two switchblade-looking knives to go after one of the band members.

and, death by weedeater--booyah!"