Chupacabra Terror DVD with John Rhys-Davies, Dylan Neal, Chelan Simmons (R) +Movie Reviews

Look Out! It's a Man in a Rubber Suit!!!

John C. Hocking | Ann Arbor, MI United States | 04/18/2005

(2 out of 5 stars)

"Criticising this film is like shooting fish in a barrel with a howitzer. It's cheesy, it's ridiculous, it's utterly unrealistic.

But it DOES have the first genuine, bona fide man-in-a-rubber-suit monster I've seen in ages.

It wasn't long ago that almost any otherworldly creature seen on the screen was a stunt man in a stifling rubber suit. Whether it was a towering Godzilla or a dinky little Saucer Man, a Creature from the Black Lagoon or the Monster of Piedras Blancas, the phoney rubber monster suit ruled the screen.

Here in the age of CGI, I didn't think we'd ever see another of these old-school horrors, so I admit I got a few chuckles out of this film. And if you have fond memories of those hokey, shambling rubberized monsters of yesteryear, maybe you'll smile, too."

Fozzie Bear In A Sleestak Mask Terrorizes A Cruise Ship

Robert I. Hedges | 01/17/2006

(2 out of 5 stars)

""Chupacabra Terror" is an amazing movie. Note, please, that it isn't good, but is astounding for putting two things together that never (ever) belong together, even in graze-Z monster movies: a chupacabra and a cruise ship. As preposterous as that sounds, the awfulness of this film is extremely nuanced and can be viewed on many levels, all of them terrible.

This is a film where even the most inept viewer will be able to accurately predict exactly who survives in the first three minutes of the film. Unfortunately developments in the film become even easier to prognosticate in the remaining 85 minutes. The plot is basically that an insane scientist (a cryptozoologist) played by Giancarlo Esposito in full over-the-top Shatner mode captures the elusive Chupacabra, evidently played by Fozzie Bear in a Sleestak mask and swim fins judging from the realism of the effects, and brings it onto a cruise ship where it proceeds to walk on ceilings, jump around like a flea, and eat everyone in sight (as well as a very annoying Yorkshire Terrier).

The good guys are the Captain, played by the genuinely talented John Rhys-Davies, his daughter the shipboard Tae Bo instructor, played by the modestly cute Chelan Simmons, and a US Marshal, and poor man's Tom Cruise, Dylan Neal (they really needed Sam McCloud for his tracking skills). General pandemonium reigns in this tawdry and very unscary affair (the monster really does look like a silly puppet, but is actually a man in a rubber suit), and there are subplots to take our mind off the tension (or relieve the boredom, depending on your point of view). The most annoying subplot (by far) is about a smarmy thief who, while allegedly suave, does not remind anyone as much of James Bond (or even Peter Sellers) as much as Ralph Malph in drag.

My very favorite part of the movie, without question, is the stirring conclusion in the engine room where the good guys confront the chupacabra and just to be sure it's dead, kill it using all of the following methods: armor piercing bullets, Tae Bo (in a fight scene that must be seen to be believed), superheated steam, electrocution, freezing and carbon dioxide (the old fire extinguisher ploy), and drowning. There is an unresolved question if trauma and explosion of fuel vapors also play a part, or if in fact it's a boiler explosion. Either way, the thing is dead. Or is it? We can only hope, and I am optimistic given the fact I have not seen "Chupacabra Terror 2" yet (not that I'm looking).

This was given to me as a birthday gift (if you can believe that), and in closing I want to say that this is not the worst chupacabra movie that I have ever seen, but it may be the stupidest. It deserves one star, but because John Rhys-Davies is a very good actor, in fact turning in a decent performance even with this material (which is a major achievement), I am giving it a bonus star for his performance.

"

John Rhys-Davies, God Of B-Cinema

K. Fontenot | The Bayou State | 05/16/2005

(3 out of 5 stars)

"You heard it hear first folks, John Rhys-Davies is the new god of B-Cinema. Not only has he appeared in the legendary "Sabertooth" and "Dragon Storm," but Rhys-Davies can now add "Chupacabra Terror" to his ever-growing list of SciFi channel schlock that is so terrible, it's actually fun to watch.

When this first appeared on SciFi Channel, I think it had a slightly different name. No matter, it's still the same cheese-matic cinema that I've grown to love. Not only does it feature a dude in a rubber suit, it also features natives scared of the beast, a man intent on capturing and studying the beast at no cost, and a slew of idiots on a boat intent on stopping the beast. Standard, unoriginal, fruitless, I know, but it's still a pretty good flick to watch when you've nothing better to do.

The special effects are hokey. The acting is bad. You'll think to yourself, "When's the idiot thief going to get eaten?" In short, you've seen just about every cliche in this flick in just about every other film made on such a low budget.

Just remember, good friends, this film has no intention on garnering accolades from Oscar, Tony, Emmy, etc. It's pure, brainless, silly fun that is meant to kill the evening on which you can't fall asleep. Buy it if you suffer from insomnia, rent it if you don't. Either way, you'll end up thinking that this flick isn't TOOOO bad to watch."

Some movies must WANT to be bad

TrezKu13 | Norfolk, VA | 03/23/2005

(1 out of 5 stars)

"Story consists of a cryptozoologist who captures the famous chupacabra and smuggles him aboard a cruise liner. The Chupacabra manages to escape from the box because the two guys handling cargo ask the age-old question that has been the last line of horror movie extras for decades...

"Hey, what do you think's in the box?"

Never mind that it's a federal offense to go through people's personal belongings or that you can get fired for doing so, or even that there are probably hundreds of other boxes with more interesting contents, just believe that two idiots are dumb enough to look through a box with a rabid chupacabra inside. The monster kills them, two security guards, and runs amock on the ship.

John Rhys-Davies, a great actor who seriously needs to fire his agent, can't handle the chupacabra alone so he gets a Navy SEALS team to come aboard and help him out with it. Well...OK, they're only SEALS because the script says they are, but if you are a servicemen or have any idea what special forces operatives look like, you will gnash your teeth. Cheap uniforms and a chubby leader (yeah, I'm sure that guy went through special-ops training...) does not make for good cinema.

For the next hour or so the movie follows this formula:

1) Characters shoot at monster.

2) Characters act surprised that their guns don't work.

3) Characters run away and repeat #1-3

But it just gets more agonizing as it goes along. Some of this is thanks to the acting, particularly the daughter of the captain who must have been plucked right out of a highschool play. This is also thanks to the horrible lines, like "Tango bango!" or even my personal favorite, "Don't give me the mushroom treatment! You know, left in the dark with a lot of crap!" This movie is also extremely cliche, making it predictable about who's gonna get iced. Grumpy old lady? Eaten. Two waiters drinking on the job? Eaten. Jewel thief? Eaten. Minority guy? Eaten. Couple having sex? Eaten. Captain's daughter? Well...a guy can dream can't he?

Avoid. It's fun to watch if you like bad movies, but don't take it seriously for an instant. Show your film classes to present how NOT to make a movie."

Oh, my sides!

Jeffrey Leach | Omaha, NE USA | 05/13/2007

(2 out of 5 stars)

"There was a time when actor John Rhys-Davies was at the top of his game. Respected. Admired. Those days are long gone. The venerable thespian who once graced the silver screen in classic films like "Raiders of the Lost Ark" now co-stars in movies with David Charvet, Vanessa Angel, and Maxwell Caulfield. Surely it's only a matter of time before we see him alongside Casper Van Dien or Lorenzo Lamas. Don't believe me? Check out his filmography on a certain popular online movie website. His recent credits include such Sci Fi Channel fare as "Sabretooth," "Dragon Storm," and this laughable exercise in hilarious horror, "Chupacabra Terror". Additional confirmation of my charges, as though I need to provide more evidence, can be found by accessing the cast list of Uwe Boll's upcoming film "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale". There you will see Rhys-Davies's name prominently displayed. Uwe Boll! That's the kiss of death as far as I'm concerned. I understand that working as an actor in Hollywood is tough, that you take whatever roles you can get to keep the checks coming in, but appearing in a film like "Chupacabra Terror" will not win you many fans.

"Chupacabra Terror" tells the story of a crazed scientist named Pena (Giancarlo Esposito hamming it up with nary a care for his future) caught up in a quest to capture the fabulous Chupacabra. Doing so will obviously elevate his career from the dusty climes of academia to superstar status. Interviews. Book deals. A movie of the week. Think of the fame and fortune if he can only catch one of these critters! With that in mind, we see Pena launching an expedition somewhere in South America in an effort to capture the Chupacabra. And after the beast slays a substantial number of his heavily armed hunters, the good doctor does just that. Now he must sneak the beastie on board a ship captained by a chap called Randolph (Rhys-Davies channeling Captain Stubing). Just in case the audience gets bored, there's a subplot involving a U.S. Marshal named Lance (Dylan Neal) investigating a robbery aboard the ship. Could the criminal in question be conniving Rick McGraw (David Millbern)? Who knows. What I can say is that Randolph's daughter Jenny (Chelan Simmons) also works on the ship as a Tae Bo instructor. I know what you're thinking. Forget it--her fit figure doesn't save the film.

So now we're on the boat. A couple of stupid idiots manage to release the Chupacabra from a box that boasts more warning signs than a barrel of toxic waste. Predictably, the beast kills these dolts and then proceeds to rampage around the ship. Meanwhile, Randolph entertains Rick, Lance, his daughter, Dr. Pena, and the elderly Mrs. Voorhees (Paula Shaw) at the captain's table. The only thing missing here is Gopher, Doc, and Julie from "The Love Boat". Anyway, insipid dialogue follows. Then news of the bloody rampage unfolding below reaches the principal characters. At least I think that's what happens. All I know is that I started slipping into coma after watching Millbern try to inject his character with something resembling charm. We soon learn that no one is safe from this supernatural creature. Worse, it's extremely difficult to kill the thing because it can crawl up walls and across the ceiling, creep around in tight spaces, and absorb all forms of punishment. Bullets, Tae Bo, electricity, acid, nuclear weapons--nothing seems to harm this bad boy. A crack team (ha!) of Navy personnel can't even stop the Chupacabra. Maybe the zipper on the costume acts as a sort of force field, eh?

What a dumb film. Director John Sheppird must have lost a bet with someone. That's the only explanation I can think of as to why he would helm this nightmare. Of course, he also wrote the script, so that might explain what's going on. Let's see...what's wrong with the picture? The acting, characters, special effects, set pieces, lighting, and just about anything else you can think of that takes place on a movie set, basically. Only Rhys-Davies manages to make anything remotely associated with this flick believable. I quickly assumed "Chupacabra Terror" was a comedy since I kept laughing until tears ran down my face. The campy looking creature. Jenny's Tae Bo combat sequences. The effeminate Rick McGraw's attempts to woo Mrs. Voorhees. All of these things, and so much more besides, come off as stupid, ineffectual and downright funny. Even the gore elicits more chuckles than scares. The movie's so cheap they can't even show arterial sprays; they have to toss a bucket of blood from off camera to simulate the effect. Sigh. By the time we see Rhys-Davies, with captain's hat jauntily placed on his head, watching his ship sink from a rowboat filled with survivors, I knew I was knee deep in crud cinema.

I'm going to give "Chupacabra Terror" two stars, sort of a kick in the shins from me to the movie for making me sit through ninety minutes of pure heartache. I would give it a single star, but I laughed so much that I think I should kick it up a notch. Incredibly, the experience doesn't end with the credits. The DVD version of "Chupacabra Terror" contains a short behind the scenes featurette and a commentary track! Yes, a commentary track with director/screenwriter John Sheppird and co-writer Steve Jankowski graces the disc. I gave it a listen hoping to hear an apology. Instead I heard a lot of movie mumbo jumbo that does nothing to alleviate the agony I experienced while watching this car wreck. They also failed to explain why the Navy personnel wore what looked like bicycle helmets while battling the beastie. Must have been those defense budget cuts during the Clinton years. Avoid this movie at all costs."

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