Search - Branded on DVD

Sarah H. (psychogurl13) from CROSSVILLE, TN
Reviewed on 1/3/2010...

I usually love low budget horror films like this one, but this one was just plain awful. It doesn't really make sense and the acting is ridiculously horrendous. I have seen high schoolers with no experience in film making do MUCH better than this.

1 of 1 member(s) found this review helpful.

Oh, Cover Art ......How I Loathe you.

Captain Insanity | NY | 02/11/2008

(1 out of 5 stars)

"Ok before I start bashing this film,

let me just list everything that was entertaining about this experience.

- The art on the cover of the DVD...................

That is all.



It's a movie about a corny rock band,

staying at a managers cabin, where murders start taking place.

That's it.

Nothing deeper or more profound.

The flashbacks into the lead singers past do little to enrich the already hopelessly mundane story.

And the uninspired story being the only grace that COULD have saved this flick, falls desperately flat.

The dialogue seemed like it sort of wanted to be witty, (I guess)

but when jokes are being delivered by meat-puppets,

no ones laughin'.



You ever watch a movie that felt more like a trial in self-masochism than entertainment?

You ever curse yourself for not turning a movie off?

Waiting forever for that one redeeming death scene that you know has to be coming.

The glorious scene that will make the unbearable wait worth the effort.

But before it ever arrives,

the credits roll.

And frustration burns it's way deep into your scalp?

Essentially;

If I were to put a handful of razors on my tongue,

duct-tape my mouth shut,

pour boiling water on my face,

and bite down, to ease the pain,

it would pretty much be the be equivalent of watching 20 minutes,

none the less, a feature length film of this mind-numbing, brutally-amateur, souless effort.

Amateur porn actually has better production values than this horror flick did.

I can't believe I had to type that.

The acting is sooooooooooo bad,

(the leading man is the worst actor I've seen, in my soon to be short life)

it actually takes you out of the film.

You are very aware that you are watching people "try" to "act".

And I use that term loosely.

This movie, if little else, has created a new term for me,

"Murphys Horror"

"Everything that could be wrong WAS wrong with this movie."



Just a thought:

I've noticed,

The best low-budget horror movies, are the ones that are wildly over the top.

The ones that are acutely aware of their low-budget,

and instead of letting that be their limitation,

they use it to their advantage,

to instead focus on other aspects of a movie that are regularly absent from bigger budget horror flicks

(ie: Oh, I don't know.........Style, Soul).

Usually the best ones are horror-comedies, but that's not always the case.

They're usually unique in scope,

And now-a-days, more often than not, unique means wildy bizarre, or viciously hilarious.



MORAL OF THE STORY:

Have a suicide counselor on speed dial, if you actually bought flick."