Abraxas Guardian of the Universe DVD with Jesse Ventura (PG-13) +Movie Reviews

A movie that is to be compared to the classics

sopimus | please tell me | 06/30/2001

(5 out of 5 stars)

"When the true movie critics speaks about the science fiction classics we often get lectures on star wars and other high budget motion pictures. What we have to remember is the ones who never got into the herds view of sight. One of these movies are Abraxas. A movie which never got the attention it deserved. If the true soldiers of iron culture will ever emerge, Abraxas will their movie of inspiration."

What's with all the whiners?

10/04/2002

(3 out of 5 stars)

"Sure the movie is low budget, kind of forgettable and bad. That doesn't make it a shoe-in for a zero rating, though folks. We've got the immortal line in this flick: "My box has VD." And let's not forget the slow-motion fighting to Kenny G inspired music, with random nonsensical explosions happening in the background...or the woman who has a baby with all her clothes on! There's PLENTY of entertainment to be gleaned from this movie, you cinema snobs just don't know where to look for it. All in all, I recommend it to people who want to see unintentional humor, and who don't expect every movie to be made with a 100 million plus budget. Jeez...if you wanna see a true blue zero rating, rent Sextette, and leave this modest effort alone!"

Jesse "The Space Cop" Ventura

Robert I. Hedges | 09/14/2003

(4 out of 5 stars)

"As a Minnesotan, I take a strange pride that my state elected Jesse Ventura, former pro wrestler, and grade Z movie actor as Governor. Of, course, Jesse has been in several films, most notably "Predator" with Arnold Schwarzenegger (possible future governor of California...hmmm...is there a trend here?)In Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe, Jesse is an intergalactic space cop of some variety who tries to track down the evil Secundus, played by Sven-Ole Thorsen who has had a space child with knowledge of an important equation that can destroy the universe. This movie is cheesy and never too dark (even though the director was trying to make it dark) yet it still manages to be entertaining in a MST3K sort of manner. Many great scenes abound, including watching Secundus eat breakfast (he orders the entire menu), watching Jesse's wrist radio thing interrupt romance, and my personal favorite: watching school principal Jim Belushi attempt to look serious in an embarrassingly badly written counseling session.This is a great little cheap movie to watch when you just want to relax and have some fun with friends. Sure! You betcha!"

SVEN-OLE THORSON AND JESSE VENTURA: BEST DUO OF ALL TIME?

Terry Silver | The All-Valley Karate Tournament | 04/17/2004

(5 out of 5 stars)

""Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe" is the best thing ever filmed in northern Ontario. A "thrilling" chase opens this unintentional comedic masterwork, which features many "all-time" moments, such as:MOST PATHETIC CAMEO OF ALL TIME: I don't know how they got Jim Belushi to drive out to Thornbury to be in Abraxas, but he appears in the worst scene in the film. Somebody must have done him one hell of a favour, because there's no way he did this for money - since the producers clearly had none. MOST INAPPROPRIATE SCORE OF ALL TIME: Lame saxophone and soft jazz should never be combined with fights and chases - let alone the sketchy scene with a half-naked Ventura and a young boy where Abraxas' "tale of two men" bit comes off as disturbing, and thus funny.LEAST PLOT EXPLANATION OF ALL TIME: If you can tell me what "the colmater" is (beyond the fact that it's the kid) I'd really like to know. Also, the exact nature of the "anti-life equation" (and the equally sinister "anti-life universe")is open to debate. All of these diverse elements combine to form some serious low-budget hilarity. Ventura and Thorson discussing the anti-life equation is right up there with Monty Python's Dead Parrot bit as far as I'm concerned. If you don't laugh at this movie you are either soulless or retarded."Bring me the colmater!""

What a waste of muscle

SRFireside | Houston, TX United States | 06/16/2005

(2 out of 5 stars)

"The boys from Running Man (Jesse Ventura and Sven-Ole Thorsen) are back again. Only this time they hook up with director Damien Lee for what I can only describe as a low budget attempt at making a derivative science fiction film. To be fair this movie isn't completely bad, but it's not in the realm of good either.

Funny thing is you can find that this movie takes a page off of other sci-fi movies, good or bad. I saw elements from such films as Terminator, Firestarter, I Come In Peace and Xtro. Not exactly a winning combination. What makes the story even more convoluted is they don't take enough time to really explain what's up with concepts like "anti-life equation" or "co-mater". You end up wondering if anybody really knows what this stuff is.

The acting is... well... dry for the most part with some decent performances now and then. James Belushi's performance was the best by far. Unfortunately his part was the lamest by far and could have been taken out with absolutely no loss of story (what little there is), though that would be taking out a rather humorous scene as well. Special effects aren't special and were mercifully few and far between. Also the audio is monophonic. That's right boys and girls. It was made in the 90's and they couldn't even mix the movie in stereo. Well considering this is an ultra low budget movie you can't really expect much anyway.

As canned as most of the acting was you would find some nice moments with Ventura and some (just some) of the scripting was entertaining. For example nasty villain Secundus (Thorsen) finishes eating at a diner and is given a bill. Not knowing what to do with it he eats it (trust me, it's funny when you see it). Ahh... little moments like that had me end up smiling by the end of the movie.

The best I can recommend for Abraxas is is to find it in one of those sci-fi movie packs where you get a mess of low-budget movies at one low price. If you can get past the low budget effects and canned script then there is hope you might enjoy it. Me? ...meh."

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