13th Child Legend of the Jersey Devil DVD with Cliff Robertson, Lesley-Anne Down, Christopher Atkins (R) +Movie Reviews

Discombobulated & Disappointing

John Salonia Jr. | New Jersey | 02/24/2004

(2 out of 5 stars)

"Okay, a man suffers a terrible demonic experience in the woods and winds up committed to an asylum, where he desperately clutches a protective device. The protective device is taken from him, and he suffers the long-delayed vengeance of the infernal powers. Sound familiar?It should, especially if you've seen the old movie EQUINOX, from which 13TH CHILD snagged its plot. The trouble is, 13TH CHILD doesn't make a lick o' sense. It even throws in the major plot "surprise" of the old Hammer film CURSE OF THE MUMMY'S TOMB, and only adds to the confusion thereby. (SPOILER ALERT: Skip to the next paragraph NOW if you haven't seen this movie yet.) Cliff Robertson turns out to be the Jersey Devil's immortal brother, and the Devil is cursed to exist as long as Cliff lives. Guillaume shoots Cliff, and the Devil and Cliff vanish. Then, in the classic cliched tradition of the last "jump" before the end credits, they return without rhyme, reason or explanation to wreak some final havoc.The trouble is, the plot has so many holes that the Jersey Devil could fly through them with both wings spread out to maximum, without even touching the sides. We see Riley (Robert Guillaume) committed to a state mental institution (unimaginatively dubbed "New Jersey Mental Health Facility"); trouble is, later in the movie he shows up in the Pine Barrens in the good ol' nick of time to save the day. Except he never left the asylum! So how did he get out in the woods? and how did he wind up back in the asylum afterwards? A piece of truly idiotic writing, which is doubly disappointing since star Cliff Robertson receives co-writing credit!What truly makes watching 13TH CHILD such a frustrating experience is the fact that a lot of good talent went to waste, as well as the brilliant idea of shooting the film in the Pine Barrens, long the JD's legendary home. The location work adds some much-needed atmosphere and a sense of creepy, lurking menace. The peformances are excellent, and much of the banter between Kathryn, Ron and Mitch has a lot of snap, humor & characterization. Although the plot is creaky and incomplete, one senses a good story waiting in the wings. Sadly, it never appears.Instead, we're treated to cops who routinely practice illegal entry and illegal search & seizure, a lot of pointless closeups of snakes and spiders (ooh! creepy!) and long-winded go-nowhere monologues from Robertson. Sadly, the film even betrays its own logic since (2ND SPOILER ALERT - SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T WANT THE PLOT GIVEN AWAY) the Devil is traced back to a Lenni-Lenape shaman (bad folklore here, folks) and then presents the highly Caucasian Mr. Robertson as the Devil's brother! The Devil is even given a name, Bruno! Not a very Amerind name, now is it? The film never even explains the "Indian bones" that have protected Guillaume from Robertson's vengeance. A big deal is made out of them, but no back story is ever provided.The director mostly does a fine job keeping the film going, and the Devil himself is no letdown when we finally see him. He's a creepy, impressive monster. It's just a shame the writers couldn't come up with a plot that could hold an ounce of water, much less blood. There's even a nice twist on the "naked lovers surprised by the evil force" scene, obligatory ever since HALLOWEEN and FRIDAY THE 13TH.All in all, 13TH CHILD VOLUME ONE will probably be the last volume. And if there are any more scripts like this one in the works, maybe that's a good thing.One HUGE caveat: the DVD is advertised as widescreen, but it's actually coded only in fullscreen mode. You can search the root menu until your fingers turn into Jersey Devil claws without finding this option."

The SNORE-INATOR

John Salonia Jr. | 05/26/2004

(1 out of 5 stars)

"Despite the fact that it has some really good actors this film is just so BAD.
The JERSEY DEVIL monster only looks disturbing in literally the last two minutes of the film when it rises out of a pool of blood. Throughout the rest of the film it resembles a man in a bad monster suit (ripped off from the GIGER ALIEN design yet again).
This film PLODS on and the minor characters are all more entertaining and interesting than the main ones. Specifically the female investigator. She is like an unnattrative NAOMI WATTS blonde (with a really hideous personality) crossed with DANA SCULLY. So basically you have someone who you can feel no empathy with and literally can't stand.
The evil Mr. Shroud who somehow is linked to the JERSEY DEVIL through some kind of ancestral silliness walks around through the film grumbling and mumblings lines like, "Have you seen my friend Bruno?" (Bruno being his pet name for his fake looking Jersey Devil pal).
I have seen worse films but not by much.
The idea was cool and the image of the JERSEY DEVIL rising from the pool of blood is quite well done. But sitting throught the entire movie to see the ONLY good part is NOT something I could recommend to anyone else."

Mowing lawn might be more entertaining.....

LILyte Review | CA | 10/16/2005

(1 out of 5 stars)

"I know there is a hockey team in Jersey called the Devils and this movie put anything associated with the word Jersey and Devils to shame. What were the film makers doing by discrediting the infamous JD Lore by not even getting the history correct....not even close. Worse yet is that they decide to not put any effort in any aspect of trying to make a good movie out of this regardless of the history. Why i wonder? ...is it to tick off the viewers or the whole lore or what.

Maybe they purposely make this movie bad to see if the saying '..its soo bad that its good' would apply but it failed miserable as well since it needs that cheesy gore that we all love. I doubt if they are capable of doing that. It is just bad no matter how much you try to find something good about this movie. Is this even called a movie? Seems like bits and pieces of nonsense...in other words its garbage. What's up with the special effects anyways. I seen better effects watching Gumby. At least you see the monster in the end...like whoopie doo soo scary i'm gonna scream now. Give me a break...its not even worth the effort to fake being scared imo.

Do yourself a favor and mow the lawn instead....it might be more entertaining."

A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY!

Dawn L. Reinhardt | Burlington, NJ USA | 09/18/2005

(1 out of 5 stars)

"Ok, first off, if I could give this piece of [...] "movie" a ZERO star, I would. The only good thing that came out of going to see this movie is that it was my fiance and I's first date. And, our thoughts have always been, "If we can get through 'The 13th Child', we could get through anything."

Cliff Robertson should be tried under the Geneva Convention for crimes against humanity when it comes to the production of this "film." I have seen bad movies in my time, but this, by far, was the worst.

As a native of southern NJ, I was lured in by the ads for this "movie" as there is very little coverage of the Jersey Devil legend in major motion films. Well, I guess my first error was in thinking this was a major motion film. How silly of me?

I have to say, the worst part of the movie was when the lead "actress" (and I use that term VERY loosely) compared herself to "Lil' Kim." Honey, Lil' Kim's left [...] can act better than you - pasties and all.

A funny aside, my fiance (new boyfriend at the time) had gotten up to go get us some more soda in the middle of the movie and I was taunted by the other victims of this freakshow of a movie sitting behind me who stated "lucky guy, hon, you know he's not coming back, right?" The two chicks in front of us had to resort to drinking a 40oz just to dull the pain...

To anyone thinking of buying this movie, don't do it if you are expecting a real movie. If you just want to buy it to make fun of it, then buy it, but be prepared as you may be prone to angry outburst which could include smashing your DVD player and/or TV to pieces. Or you could just grab a 40 like the lovely ladies in front of us did, and a bottle of Vicodin, and be prepared to have to ease the pain."

The Demon's revenge...

Draconis Blackthorne | The Haunted Noctuary | 12/04/2005

(3 out of 5 stars)

"Briefly, the legend of The Jersey Devil is quite an interesting one, going back some 260 years. A demonic entity supposedly appears before some impending disaster to unsuspecting folk in the enchanted pine barrens area of New Jersey. Its origins stem from a mother who cursed her child by proclaiming that The Devil could take it - in consequence, a devilish child with horns, wings, tail, and cloven hooves issued from her loins and took to flight, thus beginning this urban legend. There are several other variations, including a really interesting one about its mother being a witch, and The Devil, its father. Older pIctures drawn by purported 'witnesses' describe a very Baphomet-looking creature, as well as a sort of horse-demon synthesis.

The Pine Barrens are a natural environment overgrown with wonderful foliage, swamps, and residences transcending modern civilation. Such wildly lush locations tend to breed folktales because of these seeming opposing conditions to the 'big city', thus rendering them intriguing and mysterious places, as well as the residents themselves propagating continual superstition.

In this cinematic adaptation, an investigator named "Kathryn" {Michelle Maryk} is assigned to follow up the apparent murder of a redneck hunter who just so happened to be listening to a decidedly "Coast to Coast"-sounding program on the radio, before being attacked by a red-eyed creature, apparently attracted by the carcass of a deer hooked onto his truck, which was to be the hick's dinner. Apparently, he became the main course!

Kathryn meets up with a law-enforcement acquaintance {although a more personal relationship is suggested}, subsequently finding a large black 'tooth', along with the mutilated torso of the hunter, and take it to be examined at the Coroner's office - predictably, it turns out that there is no matching DNA with the relic, but instead seems to be a composit of a goat's, bat's, and something else they cannot identify.

She eventually meets with a "Mr. Shroud" {Cliff Robertson} - a charming and enigmatic gentleman with many remarkable de-facto Satanic qualities, from his appearence, demeanor, to even his total environment. He graciously offers her a stay for the night, and over pleasant dinner conversation, reveals his agreeable misanthropy.

During the course of the investigation, Mr. Shroud's deadly 'secret' is discovered, but even through some difficulty, manages to preserve his Magical and timeless existence.

As a humorous aside, a scene wherein a bumpkin couple drive around seeking a spot to copulate, find an abandoned trailer in the woods, where they are frightened by some hillbillies, and are sent scampering back to the car, eventually being stopped by the Police in a half-naked hysteria.

In a seemingly gratuitous element of the plot, a mental patient named 'Riley' {Robert Guillaume} recounts his experience with The Jersey Devil, and holds onto a talisman to protect him and keep him alive. His eventual misbehavior lands him in solitary confinement where he eventually receives a visit from the creature, who takes his due.

On a visual basis, I did like the appearence of the Jersey Devil monster itself, very demonic with horns, wings, hooves, and Giger-like alieneque jaws.

The 13th Child is a dramatic take on the urban legend, incorperating some blood and gore similar to 'Jeepers Creepers', although there are no accounts of The Jersey Devil actually killing anyone, so astistic license was taken for this presentation. Also on the DVD, deleted scenes, previews, and a documentary of this 'Demon of the Pine Barrens"."

Search - 13th Child: Legend of the Jersey Devil on DVD

Movie Details

Similar Movies

Similarly Requested DVDs

Member Movie Reviews

Movie Reviews